How Much is Too Much?

I've admitted before that I've spent most of my life ignoring the news and political information.  This could be considered willful ignorance, (okay, it is), but it's also self-preservation.  I'm empathic and sometimes find just being in a store uncomfortable.  Too many emotions flying around.  It's stressful!  When it comes to politics, I find it utterly overwhelming.  There is so much involved!  History and governmental structure, finance, it's all one big ball of yuck.

But something in me has awoken.  I have found this urge to know.  I want to know the truth about what governments do- especially my own.  I'm not going to find the answers on FOX news, so one night I googled: What is really going on?  I found some sites that could be called conspiracy news. I have believed government to be corrupt for a long time.  It's kind of obvious if you pay attention, or, apparently, even if you don't.  I find myself fascinated now by the things people dig up and expose.  I learned about the legal meaning of the word "person" and how that is applied in the UK.  I looked it up in my OED and found that the origin makes sense in relation to what I learned.

  I decided to look around because I finally wondered why life seems so out of balance. Even in this "rich" country, we all work so hard and have so little time to think.  It feels purposeful to me.  If we have to work very hard, and still have bills to worry over, dinners to make, houses to clean, etc... when will we stop and look around?  Who would notice if the government was heavily influenced run by big corporations?  Who would complain when our freedoms are taken away bit by bit?  We're all too busy with the day-to-day.  We've been raised (in America) to be concerned with and focused on our own lives.  The problem I have with that right now is that in my own life, I feel stifled.  I crave more time to devote to my spiritual growth.  That kind of growth and healing is not encouraged here.  Sure I could go to church every Sunday and feel better about what I did all week, but that type of spirituality doesn't fit my life or my heart.  I want to pose deep questions to myself and find the answers that are true for me.  I want to let go of some of this materialism and realize what's important.  I want to "put down all the pressures and feel how I really feel". (Ani DiFranco from Half Assed).  There is so much out there working so hard to distract me from myself.  So maybe it's this pull that causes us to become narcissistic.  We know that our own growth and emotional state should be more important to us.  We know that we should have easier access to how we feel, rather than wondering and wandering. 

The question I pose to you now, though, is how much is too much?  One of the reasons I haven't been blogging as much of late is that I know some people don't want to hear about conspiracy theories and I don't blame them.  I spent so much of my life avoiding this type of information.  Now I find I'm occasionally immersed in it but I hesitate to talk to anyone about it because I know it can be depressing.  And it's depressing for me, too, but I feel like I should know, to some extent, what's going on.  Is our government really sending special agents to train terrorists to attack Iran?  I hope not.  These types of things pop up all over when you watch international news.  I'm a little shocked but not as surprised as I wish. 

I believe in being the change I want to see in the world.  How much do I really have to know in order to make my life, and therefore the world, a more peaceful, loving place?  Are we better off when we know less, being un-fettered and un-biased?  Is this information making it harder to feel peaceful?  I have to answer that and the truth is I'm not sure yet.  It certainly makes me feel a more urgent need for peace and balance!  It makes me long for Big Magic.

If only I could go to the leaders of Israel and Palestine, look deeply into their eyes, and love them so completely that they fill with love and forgiveness.  I know it sounds crazy but imagine with me!  If I could be giant, looking down on the world and just say, "Now, now.  Put those weapons away and stop fighting.  It's time to go home for dinner."  and "Oh, those people don't have food.  Hey! All you with more than you need, it's time to send some to these people because this is not fair."  Ok, ok.  I know this is beyond simplification and I probably won't get to be a giant, but do you get the drift?  I know so many people insist that "Life isn't fair!", but each time they say that, they reinforce that lack of balance.  It's consensus reality again.  If you believe it, it will be. 

I believe in peace.  I believe in balance.  I believe in justice.  I believe in Love.  I believe that each of us is all we need.  I believe that we have the answers.  I believe we can make change.  I believe it's not as complicated as we are told.  I believe we can make it fair.  What do you believe?