Tuesday, February 1, 2011


They say that God never gives us more than we can handle.  They are full of shit.  If that were true, there would be no suicide.  If that were true, there would be no such thing as a desperate act.  If that were true, none of us would need any help, and we do.  We all need a lot of help in our lives- so much more than most of us are willing to admit.

I saw this within myself first- struggling and struggling and even denying the need for help when it's offered.  Then I started to notice the weight of others around me.  I think about what life asks of some people and how little support some of us are offered. We all feel good when we help someone and we know that, so why do we go to such lengths to "do it ourselves"?  I know that- for most people- asking for help is a lot more difficult than offering help or agreeing to do so.  It seems we all have this false notion that if we aren't able to do everything in our lives on our own, we're somehow generally incapable.  So then why are there so many of us?  Why develop relationships and create families if we're just going to go it alone, anyway?

I've noticed, lately, that I feel less love than I'm used to.  Like, love-for-it-all kind of love.  I've felt grouchy and irritable and resentful of people around me.  Just in general, which is not really my nature.  I'll blame some of it on winter.  I've always had problems with this season.  But there's so much more than that.

Maybe I would be feeling better if I asked for help.  Even if I'm not sure what that means right now, only to say that I feel like I need it.  Maybe that's the beginning of kindness?  I think there is a type of kindness in asking for help, in trusting someone with what feels like vulnerability.  Because like courage is moving through fear and acting in its presence, strength may be found by exposing vulnerability and asking someone to acknowledge and help heal it.  (This is all just a theory.)

P.S.  In the realm of things "they" lied about, that thing about loving something and letting it go and if it comes back it's yours?  That's blarney too.  Just thought you'd like to know.  But my thought is that if you let go with all your heart and in a loving way, you make room for something else that fits and will give love in return.

P.P.S.  I think this post makes less sense than any I've written.  Don't help it, though, it's still making some kind of point, I'm sure.  Or I hope.  Or it just felt good to write it.


  1. You are hurting is what i gather from your post today. It is hard and not easy. I have been there many times but some where inside a little voice always pushes me to the other side. You have that and it will show up. It is change we are always changing and it will not last ......
    Big Hug

  2. I think actually this is one of your best posts. I love the thoughts on the kindness of allowing others to help. I think it's a lesson I need to learn. It's grounded in ego and pride. I'm so glad that you are bringing this to my awareness. I hate asking for help.

    I sense you're tired of the struggle and may be ready to accept what others may offer.

  3. YogaSavy- I am hurting. More, I'm just not coping well and I usually do better with, well, coping. I've found myself in tears at work hiding in the bathroom. It's just a big thing to deal with and I'm doing the best I can. I do think it all has purpose, though. I can feel my light returning. It's just been a step to work through before I could feel strong again and deal with this.

    Myrna- Thank you so much! I think sometimes my writing, or my point, comes across better when I don't worry over it. This was such a spontaneous post, just what was in my head at the time. And I can work through this much more in my own life. I don't understand why we feel ashamed to ask for help. Our friends and families love us and it would make them feel good not only to help us, but to see us doing a little better for their having helped. It's amazing how writing somethings out can bring so much clarity! I am so ready to accept help- even just an ear to my occasional whining! ;)