Thursday, February 10, 2011

Remember Pollyanna?

Michigan winter really takes a toll on me.  February 2nd was Imbolc, a day that signifies the Wheel of the Year turning closer to Spring!  I was blessed with a day off work due to the snow and found it extremely relaxing and restoring.  I think over the past decade of learning, (if not always celebrating), the Pagan holidays, I've started to become attuned to the seasons and the passage of time.  Maybe it's romanticism, but what a great thing to have in spirituality!

Whatever the cause, I do feel a bit more light, like Pollyanna's waking back up.  I think I'll ask life to try and schedule more difficult issues in warmer months.  Every year I feel tired and am easily depressed in the winter.  This year I've started to wonder about a new theory of depression, at least for me.  I think it's a kind of forgetting.  Like something inside slows down and I just start to forget how to go about my day.  I forget that when I'm having anxiety and difficulty dealing with a crowded store, my almost-smile is my best defense.  It keeps me feeling warm and safe and reminds me to slow down, and stops me from shining a scowl at everyone who looks my way.  I forget about laughter and what great medicine it is.  I think I sometimes even forget how much I love everything and everyone.  I forget, again and again, how much better I feel after spending time with friends. 

I think that may be the most important thing to remember.  I want to hibernate all winter, leaving the house only for work and necessary shopping.  Ok, I don't even want to go to work, but you get the point.  I don't want to drag myself out into the cold and wind.  My feet get wet sometimes or the bottoms of my pants.  And it's COLD!  I don't like the cold!  But then I get over it and go, because I know it's good for me and will make me feel better.

Last Friday was my birthday and I went to Hill Auditorium in Ann Arbor and watched free music with my daughter and some friends, then went to a friend's house for coffee, cake and wine.  It was wonderful!  I went to my mom's Sunday for dinner.  Then Monday I went and visited another friend and had delicious dinner and lots of fun, and Tuesday was Witches Night Out so that was a ton of fun.  (I'm just realizing that I ate at all these events.  Coincidence that I had such a good time?)

Between the year moving along and dragging myself out to have a good time, I'm finally feeling better.  I think I wasn't doing as well as I assumed with winter when I got that medical news and, coupled with the terrible way the information was delivered, it caused me to blow a fuse.  I really think I've been in a fog or in shock the past four weeks or so.  So I'm peeking out into the world now, remembering how I wanted to blog a lot this winter.  Really, remembering a lot of things I wanted to do this winter and I'm honestly not sure what I've done but that almost none of what I set out to do is done.  But winter's not over- only almost, and that's a good thing. 

I'm doing my best to welcome Polly back from her slumber.  Maybe she's been hanging with Persephone for a while?  Whatever, I need her and I'm feeling almost able.  I want to jump up and feel exuberant and shiny and excited again soon!!  I have great gratitude for all my friends, I couldn't make it through this season alone.


  1. Such a nice post. I really like your thoughts about forgetting. It's a good way to think about the mild or not so mild depression that sometimes sets while our hearts go a little cold along with the weather.
    Are you okay? Did I miss a major detail about your health? You mention medical news. Hope you're doing well.

  2. Thank you! I am okay! I have to have surgery in the near future but it's not an emergency, only maintainence. I'm doing much better now that I've had some time to think on it. It really did blow a fuse for me at first. But, the whole world is getting warmer, ok, it's colder here than it has been all winter but I know warm is coming, and I feel my spirit lifting in response. Yay spring!

  3. How are you doing? The cold weather can play havoc on one's emotions. I know you will stay strong and get through. Sending you lots of positive energy.