Wednesday, November 4, 2009

My Out-of Control Mouth

I was paying my rent yesterday, (yep, on the 3rd), and while I was in the office there was another woman there who had apparently not paid something. She was being 'talked-to' by one of the women who works for the soul-sucking company from whom I rent an apartment. The other renter was a middle-eastern or Indian woman. In truth, I really didn't look. I was just so shocked by the condescending tones used by the Office Worker. She was talking to the woman like she was a slow 2-year-old. Actually, I would speak to any two-year-old with more respect. It was really grating on my nerves because this was the company who, years ago, when I was dangerously close to getting evicted for late payment due to medical issues, literally laughed at me when I tried to work out a way that I could pay part of my rent- the part that I had- to try to keep myself and my six-year-old in a home. When I explained my situation and asked their accountant (which is who they said I should talk to) what could be done, he literally laughed in my face and told me I should start looking for somewhere else to live. Now, set aside the fact that if I couldn't come up with my rent on time, there was certainly no way I could afford to move into a new place. And the fact that this weaselly little man knew that better than most, after all, he was in charge of taking all our money. What struck me so briskly and stung, well, honestly till this day, was his lack of humanity. This is a business, yes. I understand that businesses are out to make money. However, when you are dealing with someones HOME, I believe that business has the obligation to have a heart. Or at least to hire a few people who have hearts to help deal with otherwise up-to-date renters who have unforeseeable, unavoidable problems. If you are out to make money and you don't want to be considerate of people's needs, don't go into the business of providing homes. So, back to my bitchy little friend and the poor renter under attack. I can't say why I was so upset on this woman's behalf. I was feeling hormonal? It cut a little too close to home? I am just fed-up with the general state of unfairness that seems to be the state of things? I was too tired to keep it to myself? My fifth chakra is on a rampage? Whatever the reason, I just couldn't take my receipt and walk out of that office. When the woman realized that the Office Worker wasn't listening to her, she said, "Maybe we should go to court. See what the manager says." She said this in the same tone of voice she had been speaking in all along. She was simply tired of listening to someone who wasn't listening in return. Office Worker had made up her mind and there was no point in the renter wasting her breath. So then Office Worker raises her voice and tells the renter that she has raised her voice and is becoming argumentative, or some similar word. I was appalled. The woman DID NOT RAISE HER VOICE!!!! And quite frankly, I probably would have. So Office Worker is having a little fit/power trip and hallucinating that this woman is yelling at her, so she asks the woman to come to her office where they can talk. Great, where Office Worker has an even more inflated sense of power. So, I couldn't help myself. No, that's not right. I didn't have time to talk myself out of it, the words just came. As we were all walking into the hallway at the same time, I said, not quietly, "You know, she really didn't raise her voice and you were being terribly condescending." Office Worker started to respond and I just said, more loudly this time, "terribly condescending". I heard her thank me for my opinion as I rounded the corner so I muttered a welcome and heard her go on slating me for speaking up. I held the door for a woman coming into the building and it felt good to know that I wasn't puking my rage on others. I got in the car and started driving home, asking myself not why I spoke up, but why it upset me so. I'm still pretty sure it's the unfairness of it all, but for some reason I took it very personally. I cried all the way home. When I got home, I ate a piece of pumpkin bread and went to sleep for three hours. It's amazing how much a moment out of someone else's life can so affect our own.


  1. Great post in a way. Im sorry youre going thru trouble also. I saw your Question in the coffee shop and had to leave a smartass comment :)
    But im nice most times ,)
    the part about the girl being middle eastern shouldnt be important to the storyWell in my opinion, if you had said a white or black girl is equally unimportant. when being told stories, those that would ask which race or country the subject is from, quietly indicates, that their reaction would differ.
    Anyways, I know about being late on rent, being evicted this month, I know the stress.
    you think its a good to hire people there that have a heart and understand that its your home.
    there is no heart, You went home and cried for that girl, that shows that you care. do you cry for the 1,000s of people that are being kicked out of their homes today because they cant pay rent or the mortgage? no rent from me means my landlord cant pay his mortgage or taxes on the property here. If he doesnt pay his bill the bank takes his home, because the people who are the shareholders of that bank need his money to pay thier bills.
    I cry for this every day, not because my life will be on the street in a few months, but because someone elses will be. And I dont even know them:(
    oh but on a lighter note if you click on my name here, you'll see johnzworld2, It's little tips on stuff like adding pictures and tricks I learned about Blogger :D
    try to smile knowing someone is happy and safe:D

  2. Thank you so much for your response! I think the only reason I mentioned that the girl was middle eastern is because I thought that might have been why the woman was being so mean. Which is sad. And I do cry for the whole world. It's hard to keep upright when you think of all that's going wrong. In the case of my landlord, it's actually a billion-dollar corporation, not just a man who owns a house or a single building. So, I don't have much sympathy. I cry for the world, for the people who are slaves on this planet, for the children whose familys have been killed and they themselves are slodiers, for the women who go unheard, for everyone who feel hopelessness, for everything I do that contributes (however unknowingly) to these attrocities. This is why I want so badly to help. I really don't think it has to stay the way it is. Thank you so much for writing!! I'm smiling for all who are happy and safe and sending out a prayer that all beings become safe, happy, and free!!