Thursday, October 7, 2010

Dying to Be Themselves

I'm not sure where to start with this as I'm full of so many emotions. I'm sure you've all seen the news and are aware that there have been a number of suicides lately due to bullying based on homosexuality. This is so hard for me to deal with, so hard to think about. I remember being bullied as a kid- for no particular reason- and how scary it was. I can't imagine how difficult it would be, when you're a young person just trying to come to terms with who you are, to have people act in such hateful ways based on something that can be difficult in the best of circumstances. It absolutely blows my mind that we are losing kids- really losing them, gone, not here with us any more- due to the hateful acts of ignorant people.

I'm so angry! And I'm sad and scared as well. What's going on in the world when people will push someone that hard- right to the end of their lives? Self-acceptance is difficult for us all. As I've mentioned before, our society isn't set up for self-love. It's set up to make us feel insecure so that we will buy things that might make us more acceptable to others. But these kids had an even more difficult road to self acceptance simply because of who and how they love. I think that's what bothers me the most when it comes to gay issues. I don't think we should have to say "gay rights". It's totally stupid. These are simply human rights! But maybe I'm expecting too much of humanity. When I've talked to my 10 year old daughter about gay marriage, she says, "Mom, I don't understand. If they love each other, why does anyone care?". I'm so proud! And that's what really pisses me off. Who has the right to ever tell anyone who they can or can't love? How can love, in any form, ever be "inappropriate" or "unacceptable"?

I don't accept religious beliefs as a reason to be hateful towards the gay population. If you think it's wrong, don't do it. I hear a lot of self-righteous Christians rallying against gay people. I don't find their religion acceptable. I think it's been a bloody, hateful, judgmental, hypocritical mess since Jesus left the planet but I don't protest against it because it's not my business. I simply don't go to church. And in my opinion, Jesus would cringe if he saw people acting so ignorant and destructive in his name. There was a group protesting at a military funeral because they protest the military's "acceptance" of homosexuality. How sick is that? What compassionate faith would drive someone to go to a funeral, where family and friends are mourning the loss of a LIFE, of someone they love, and set up camp to complain to that person's boss? How is it they were not arrested? I don't want to hear about someone's freedom of speech. It's not free when you're hurting others! It's utterly unacceptable and, to me, shows signs of mental illness.

In local (to me) news, the assistant Attorney General of Michigan has been stalking a student of the University of Michigan. More than stalking, the man set up a blog devoted to slating this poor person. He went to his home, to parties he attended, called him a Nazi and racist- all baseless. When I first heard this I thought, "Wow, that guy should really be fired." Then I thought, "He should really be jailed, too, because that's so scary. He made the young man's life unsafe!" Now I'm thinking he should be institutionalized. Indefinitely. I mean really, who does these things? So that man was being paid with my tax dollars and spent his time terrorizing someone he doesn't know based on his sexuality. That, to me, is seriously an indicator of mental illness and I'm creeped-out to be sharing a state with the man. Wherever he is, it's not far enough unless he's behind bars or surrounded by padded walls.

That's what I really can't understand. What drives people to do these things to others? Why would anyone want to be hateful to another person? I have never seen a gay rally for anti-anything. I see gay pride. That's awesome and obviously much needed. In a world where we're plagued with war, starvation, greed, homelessness... Where so many are lacking the basics of survival, how can people waste their time hating others for loving each other? I don't think we should be able to vote on gay marriage, it should be a non-issue. It should be anyone's human right to marry the one they love. It's something the Religious Right uses to get people riled up and draw attention from the real issues. Anyone who would vote against it would not be affected by the law anyway. I don't want to hear about money or benefits either. That's a really sick and sad reason to stop people from making their bond legal. But then, that's what our society really values- money over love.

I have gay friends and I have to say, I know so few couples who have that real, true, visible love but I see it in many gay couples. It's couples like these that give me hope for finding true love in my life. Who would ever want to destroy that? When there is such a lack of love on this planet, who would ever want to come between two people who share it?

It might sound harsh but I believe the people who were bullying these kids should be jailed as accessories to their deaths. Make a new ruling- accessory to suicide. That might be the only thing to stop this kind of behavior. How is it fair that they're walking free, probably feeling good about themselves, and the people they tormented are not with us anymore? It's a crime, plain and simple.


  1. I want to comment and I don't know what to say. What a sad place this world is sometimes. What madness we inflict upon each other, and often in the name of religion.

    I don't want to give it strength, so I'll just say...peace to all.

  2. Thank you. I have to apologize if I expressed anger at Christians in general. I know that there are many loving Christians in the world who do not act in hateful ways or judge others based on who they love. I'm so sorry that people commit horrific acts in the name of their religion and my anger is directed solely at their actions, not even at the people. I feel sorry for them. The feelings of hatred and anger they harbor aren't healthy.

    I pray, again and still, for peace for all. I pray that people will learn to let go of fear and hate and learn to love and act in loving ways. I pray for peace inside us all, for forgiveness and peace.

  3. Here, here. Not just a rise in homophobia, there seems to be such an awful trend towards persecuting anyone who is seen to be different/ not normal - whatever normal is. Thanks for another thought provoking post and for that apology - just as we should never label anyone for who they love, we should not label all christians as hateful bigots.

  4. Thanks! And what is normal anyway? I think that word should be sequestered in labs where they need something to test against. If there is ever a human norm, let it be love and acceptance.

    I try so hard to not judge. It happens. Anger gets the better of me sometimes. I feel so defensive and there's that immature part that wants to call others out when they seem to need to act superior. None of us is and we need to accept that. Maybe that's where the hate comes from- the need to believe one is better than others. If someone can say that another person (or group) is really wrong, maybe it makes them feel more right, or righteous.

  5. I remember the day I changed. I was a religious true confession, that is until one day a friend of mine was in tears. He confessed to me he was gay. We walked and talked all through the night, he talked and I listened. I listened to his torment, his suicidal thoughts, and I kept wrestling with my beliefs and kept thinking about unconditional love. I wasn't trying to change him and I most certainly did not reject him. I didn't push him away as our church had done. I listened to him tear himself apart and I simply said, "You are who you are and that doesn't matter...God looks at your heart." We both cried. I realized at such a young age that the teachings I had been given were not about condemnation or laws or was about being willing to love. I was only 17 years old and I saw the light...was about being able to love a person right where they were and to not make them into an image I thought they should be. I learned that hate is not love. So we have to give people the chance to change like I did and it will not come about trying to control other people with laws, but with the same freedom I had. To realize just because a person isn't like me...doesn't mean I have to be like them. I didn't have to absorb his pain, I just had to understand his pain. I didn't have to hate those that didn't understand....I didn't have to choose a side. What we all have to realize is the whole spectrum of life and death comes down to this, we all need each thread. For love is not hate and hate is not love. So the stories are out there all of the time and we have to continue to be polarized or to right in that moment neutralize it. I didn't leave his side the whole night because I saw two lives that needed to change...his to keep on living and mine to learn to love.

  6. I want to live in love. I don't like the fact that this causes such great anger in me. I can't abide injustice and I don't see the sense in separating people in this way. I know that my anger- that backlash- does nothing but fuel the hatred of others. I don't like the fact that I find it hard to think of another way to respond.

    I think that's one of my lessons right now- to learn to respond in new ways. I don't want to be a part of the hate. I don't want my emotions to feed into the anger that makes us feel separate. I don't want there to be sides, I feel so adamant about the wrongness of the division. In this moment, the moment I wrote this, I was failing that lesson. I may still be. I'm angry that people act in ways that make me so angry. :)

    I am a vessel of love. That is why I'm here. If I don't do any other extraordinary thing in this lifetime, I want to love everyone and everything around me with all I have. I need to learn the way to see past the actions of others, to see beyond all the things that seem different, to the hearts of every person who crosses my path and love them all, to the bones.