Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Just Be Nice

There's this anonymous quote that I absolutely love. It says, "Be kinder than necessary because everyone is fighting some kind of battle." I think it's so true in our world today. And if anything could be even more true it's the fact that we are not usually as kind as necessary. Again I find myself to be the unstoppable hypocrite. We tend to view the behavior of others through the lens of our own experience, assuming reasons for their actions or behaviors. What we so often forget (I forget) is that others are likely going through life experiences that we could never understand or will never have to deal with. And why, for that matter, do we need to qualify the actions of others at all? It's like we need this information so that we can put people in the right box. Or we think we need to know, to have everyone figured out. Is this a case of looking outside to find answers because we can never really seem to figure ourselves out? More often I think it may be a way of explaining away something that has made us uncomfortable or we've taken something personally when almost nothing is. I'm looking for the bottom line here and I think it's this: "Be kinder than necessary because everyone is fighting some kind of battle.", and "mind your own fucking business." Ok, that last one was just to me. And let's go one step further and see the beauty and love in others. If someone is short with you, it's not about you. We can't possibly know what that person is working through in their lives right now. So rather than taking everything personally, the next time you feel slighted or you simply can't understand or "figure-out" why a person is acting the way they are, stop. You don't have to know. It's not about you. Offer up a little prayer of support for that person and move on with compassion and a little grace.

4 comments:

  1. I absolutely love your message here. You couldn't be more correct. I've gone through some horrifying ordeals in my life, and through finding my way back, I'm learning not to judge others.
    Regarding trying to find externals to make us happy, it cannot be done. Where we find happiness is within ourselves.

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  2. Thanks so much. It's like a reflex for us to judge others and it's real work to stop. I know the peace and happiness I long for is within, I've glimpsed it. I feel very fortunate to know this and be on the journey inward.

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  3. Once again, you bring up an excellent point and view it through an honest lens! Why do we do these things and why can't we stop? Maybe some of it originates in primitive survival instincts--the faster that we can recognize danger, especially in strangers, the sooner we can react. For the most part, that reaction is unneccessary today. So, to me, it now seems to be more egocentric, and a bit lazy on our part. Let's just put people in a box instead of approaching them with fresh eyes and loving kindness. And as you say, most of the behaviors of others are not about us. This, of course, takes awareness and effort on our part. I find that I really slip most when I am tired and/or feeling insecure--which I figure is about me--and my ego/pain-body. Reading your blog reminds me to continue to reaffirm my efforts!

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  4. Thanks! I'm glad because I think I write to remind myself of these things. It is lazy and egocentric, and a bit pre-programmed. We are taught to define things and people when we're young. It's a very difficult thing to unlearn but one I intend to continue working at every day.

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