I've been thinking of the post I wrote yesterday and something about it is bothering me so I'm here to explore that. I think the main thing is that it's so vague. Not a surprise since I don't really have the language yet to express this longing. I see the different voices I write with in this blog and that came from a place that's not very organized. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I don't want to feel as if I have to be organized or proper or correct at all times. I want to be human, unafraid of showing all the colors of this experience.
So what does it mean to me to have a spiritual life-path? It's not a great big, pious sacrifice. I'm not going to live in a cave or join a monastery or a coven. I don't feel I have to change myself to honor this path. My belief is that we all are good, inherently. As such, I don't think I have to "live up to" my aspirations. As a Christian, I always wondered how people could be comfortable "giving their lives up to God" or being "used by God". The reason this sounded so scary to me then was that the Cristian idea of God was so stifling and judgmental. It felt like a life of no fun, no cutting loose, no hilarity or debauchery, only being very "good" all the time. Who wants to do that?
As my beliefs have grown and changed, I see that my joy is a potent way to worship. If I'm dancing and twirling or laughing with friends, that's a great feeling and it feels good for a reason. I don't believe that God wants us to abstain from everything that feels good. I think we're here to delight in every moment that we can. If we can't enjoy ourselves, we aren't learning. We're stuck. Being joyful and showing that helps the world. When you smile at other people, they smile back. It's not something people think of a lot but it's a very powerful thing. A little thing like a smile or a kind word can really change the landscape of someone's day.
So that's what this path is about to me. I may never be in a job that evidences this path, (although I'd like to). It may only be the small things that we all do. I'm already doing those things- when I vacuum at work I try not to suck-up spiders as I remove their webs. Even though I don't have much money, I give to causes I believe in when I can. If I'm in a bad mood, I am aware of it and do my best to not take it out on others. When I'm in a good mood (thankfully most of the time) I try to share that. I do my best to be present with people I spend time with. I try to be sensitive to the needs of others and see things from other perspectives. I always remember that there is more to life than this, that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience. I guess I'm already walking the path, I just didn't recognize it as such.
Maybe in the future my path will show up in planting a community garden or volunteering in my city. Maybe I'll teach classes, write books, give aid and counsel. Maybe it will just be about praying and meditating in my living room. Who knows? Not me, but what I do know is that the most important element is trust. Trust is what stops me from feeling urgency. It's not imperative that I do anything, only that I trust that I will be in the right places, doing the right things, helping in the best way I can. This affords me some freedom and strengthens my sense of purpose. Just like I've always trusted that God was there, I trust that my path will unfold for me in the way that it should. I will be able to make the right decisions. I will be able to do the work. Whatever the world puts before me, I will be able to handle it and act with Love and Trust.