I've been contentedly single for quite a while. I needed time to get to know myself and to heal, to think about what went wrong in past relationships. It's always so clear what the other person did "wrong" but it takes a while to see ourselves. Time lends a certain objectivity that, while not always imparting the whole picture, can still be eye-opening and humbling.
Over the past few months my resolve has softened a bit. I think it may be because I have a clearer picture of what I want a relationship to be about. I'm weary of being out here on my own and long for the comfort of an other. That longing doesn't assuage the fear, though. Hesitance, maybe, would be more precise. I know I can see where I've made mistakes but will that stop me from making them again? I need to take a look at what I've done "wrong", or what has not served me in the past.
* I've looked at potential rather than present.
* I've thought I could change people. (What girl hasn't?)
* I've not taken my time.
* I've shut down when things bothered me rather than sharing how I felt. This always causes a rift and the bond just breaks down.
* I've stayed when I should have left.
* I've ignored red-flags.
* I've charged ahead when my deep, true voice told me to stop.
* I've waited around for not-love.
* I've seen what I wanted to see, ignoring what was right in front of me.
* I've taken more shit than I should have.
* I've expected things to change but not done anything to change them.
* I've given less than I should have.
* I've given more than I should have.
* I've lost myself.
So my question to anyone who knows is this: When you are willing to admit all of these things, does it help you to avoid making the same mistakes?