Saturday, August 14, 2010


I've been contentedly single for quite a while.  I needed time to get to know myself and to heal, to think about what went wrong in past relationships.  It's always so clear what the other person did "wrong" but it takes a while to see ourselves.  Time lends a certain objectivity that, while not always imparting the whole picture, can still be eye-opening and humbling.

Over the past few months my resolve has softened a bit.  I think it may be because I have a clearer picture of what I want a relationship to be about.  I'm weary of being out here on my own and long for the comfort of an other.  That longing doesn't assuage the fear, though.  Hesitance, maybe, would be more precise.  I know I can see where I've made mistakes but will that stop me from making them again?  I need to take a look at what I've done "wrong", or what has not served me in the past.

* I've looked at potential rather than present.

* I've thought I could change people. (What girl hasn't?)

* I've not taken my time.

* I've shut down when things bothered me rather than sharing how I felt.  This always causes a rift and the bond just breaks down.

* I've stayed when I should have left.

* I've ignored red-flags.

* I've charged ahead when my deep, true voice told me to stop.

* I've waited around for not-love.

* I've seen what I wanted to see, ignoring what was right in front of me.

* I've taken more shit than I should have.

* I've expected things to change but not done anything to change them.

* I've given less than I should have.

* I've given more than I should have.

* I've lost myself.

So my question to anyone who knows is this:  When you are willing to admit all of these things, does it help you to avoid making the same mistakes?


  1. We all ask these very same question. Being in one or not the questions are the still the same. Where and how do we draw that fine line?
    Looking within and accepting one's traits and loving oneself is key. I always ask what am I ready to give up and what I am not in my relationship. It is always changing.....

  2. I think it's amazing that you have this much introspection. It's obvious you give your all in a relationship. I guess the trick is finding someone who also gives his all - it's not 50-50 it's a 100-100 percent that is required. When that happens you are a mirror to each other, helping each other grow and journey through life. I can't believe I've been married 42 years! The ups and downs of relationship still require lots and lots of work, so even though it's the same person, the relationship changes continuously.

  3. YogaSavy- You are so right about loving oneself. It's the most important part that can stop you from giving it all away.

    Myrna- You are so wise! It is 100/100. And mirroring each other is so important. I want a partner who will see me- really see me- and help me to see myself more clearly. I think communication is the most important thing, being with someone you can say ANYthing to.

  4. Yes, it does help you avoid making the same mistakes. When you can clearly see the road behind, it helps to understand the road ahead. Many of these are true of everyone, though, and shouldn't be reason to castigate yourself. Now, hopefully, you can go into something with your eyes wide and head high.